It's our third morning away from home, on our way to the conference. Normally we would push ourselves and drive long days to make our trip shorter. But this time, following doctor's orders we extended it. We spend around 6 hours on the road - stopping every two to use the bathroom :) and walk around (apparently blood clots happen easier for pregnant women).
This makes this a completely different kind of trip for us.
One, I sleep a lot more ( whether it's in the car while Eric's driving or earlier at night in the hotel) I also misjudged how you can ache when pregnant. I don't bring these up to receive your sympathy, instead to share the difference I notice in travel. Both eric and I also agree there is a different type of fear / stress that you have to learn to give over to God when traveling with a baby (even one in the womb). Before we didn't mind busier traffic, rushing, and knew we both were somewhat sustainable if there was an accident. Now however, knowing the hiw fragile our little one is it makes those stressful situations (like Dallas) even more anxiety ridden.
Eric is blessed. He can go through that, give it to God, and his joy returns abundantly.
I tend to hold on to my anxiety, I pray about it, read verses to counter it, and play worship music... but it seems like I hand over my stresses and anxieties slowly little bit by bit. I think it's because I am a processor - I need to go over events and memories in my mind from every angle before I am content with them.
This whole trip has been a blessing. We have taken time to see things we wouldn't have if we had not been made to slow down. On the drive from Kansas to Texas we were sharing how blessed we've been by God on this trip and how fun and smooth it has been... then Dallas came, it was stressful and anxious (but prause God we made it alive, with out missing an exit, and on good terms with each other).
Then we get to our hotel and are told by friends it's not the greatest city to stop in... they were kinda correct... the side of the hwy our hotel is on - really nice, new, safe feeling. Go across the hwy and you are definetly entering a poorer neighbord.
We had Mexican for dinnern which was ok, and we swam in the pool which was luke warm and sat in the broken hot tub which was cooler than the pool. This all sounds negative and like I'm complaining. But (here's honesty time) I was. In my head I built this free night of relaxation into a mini paradise, the perfect babymoon. I had the highest unrealistic expectations for this night of the trip. When reality didn't match my expectations I felt dissapointed, let down and like a failure. I kept apologizing to Eric for this horrible night - forgetting the great trip we've had, the blessing we get to attend on Saturday, and the truth...
Sometimes we do this with God as well... we build up on our minds how He will move or respond... what methods He will use and then when he moves differently than we expected we get (secretly) dissapointed.
It is then when we need to step back and remeber to see the truth.
The truth of the night was Eric and I had a blast... the hotel is safe, clean, and the room amazing... we had a fun experience for dinner, we got to spend some good quality time together... because of who we are we had, maybe not perfect night, but an amazing memeroy.
And the truth is God is always moving and always working for our good. His ways will always be higher than ours but that doesn't mean we doubt him, it means we get excited to see how He will bring things about.
Satan wanted to distract me from the point and blessing of this trip. He wanted to take a few hours of created anxiety and make me nervous and worried for the conference coming up. God wants to take those hours of anxiety and teach me how to cast them on Him and how to then focus on what He will do at this conference.
Don't let your anxiety/dissapointment over one thing stop you from the excitement that comes from see God move in another.
I'm off to get ready, one more quick (2.5hr) drive and we get to meet some great friends, lern of some amazing ministriesn and share the heart and vision God has given us for the young adults in Somerset .
Xxx Megan
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