A Father's love through a mother's heart

We were so blessed to welcome Stephen James into our family on July 17th at 12:01pm.  We had a scheduled c-section during which everything went 'almost' textbook perfect. I was told by my doctor that once they had taken my baby out he would be laid on my chest.  But he wasn't... I knew something was wrong when the doctor's stopped talking to me and instead gathered around Stephen.  I sent Eric over to see what was going on and laid there unable to move trying to hear exactly what was being said.  

Turns out my little boy blew two tiny holes, one in each lung when he let out his first cry. This meant that he got air on the outside of his lungs so they had to take him down to the NICU.  Now the reason we chose this particular hospital was because it was the only one in the area with a NICU, but I never really thought we would need it. 

I got to see him for a minute and kiss his forehead before they whisked him away,  When we got to see him a few hours later he had a cpap machine on to keep his lungs expanded, to help them heal, an IV for sugar water, and a tube down his mouth to remover any extra air in his stomach. Thankfully he was only ever on 21% oxygen, which is what we breath normally.  

We would have to wait till later that night to get to hold him.  Our God is a healer.  He spent his first two nights in the NICU but was able to leave Thursday morning with a completely clean bill of health.  The air around his lungs was absorbed into his body and the holes healed, he was coming home with us.  Things don't always go the way you think they will, sometimes they have rough starts.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I learned a lot the moment we became parents, I learned a lot more the moment I saw my newborn hooked up to a number of machines. I learned how much you can love, how much you can ache, and how much you can want good for some who has done absolutely nothing to warrant that from you. 

Now as we sing our songs and say our prayers before bed, I often still have tears in my eyes. Because becoming a mom showed me a small glimpse of how much God loves me. Because I want good for Stephen, I want him to be soothed when he is fussy, I want to take away every cry.. But I am also jealous for Stephen. I want his attention and focus, I want to make him smile and laugh....  I love that little boy with no limits and no reasons.. he isn't capable of doing anything to earn it. In fact he is completely helpless and reliant on me for his every need....

What a beautiful picture of God's heart for us reflected through parenthood. He loves us soo much with such an unending love. While I will get frustrated and make mistakes He never will. He wants to wipe our tears, He longs for us to reach out to Him when we are in need. He listens to our desires, worries, and fears and answers our prayers.  He has plans for us and wants what is best for us, even if we don't understand. He is also jealous for us, a pure desire that we worship and pursue Him, that we spend time with Him..  He wants to be our focus.. and we don't do anything to deserve it.. In fact we can't do anything to earn it, we are dependent on him for our every need....

How beautiful is that.